My name is Samantha, I’m 17 and from the Sunshine Coast. I was once an extremely depressed child. I was brought up in a home where abuse, drugs and suicide were very prevalent. I took all of the guilt on myself; I began self-harming when I was 8 years old and did not stop until 8 years later. I couldn’t handle my life and as a result I resorted to drugs, alcohol, promiscuous activity and suicide attempts.  I was constantly in trouble, and I was suspended and expelled from school multiple times.

A close friend of mine was the first person I ever put my complete trust in. He meant everything to me and I ended up going out with him for over a year. It was the first time I felt some sort of wholeness and I really loved him a lot. But he began to break my trust and abuse me. I felt beyond hurt that he would do the same things that he knew had hurt me so much in the past. After lots of deliberation, I broke up with him, as I did not want the chance of having children with him and putting them through similar situations that I was exposed to. He became even more depressed after that, he began to stalk me and constantly threatened to kill himself because of me. On my 16^th birthday he sent a text message to his friend saying, “blame Samantha for this” and he lay in front of a car and took his own life.  I was destroyed. The guilt felt unbearable and I just wanted to die and be with him. All of his relatives and friends saw me as a murderer, and I was threatened to be killed if I even came near his funeral.

Everything changed when I was introduced to Youth Insearch through a child protection police officer that I met through a sexual abuse occurrence. These programs were indescribable. I felt so loved and I was blown away by the people who had gone through similar situations to myself and yet used it to their advantage. It was the first time I told anyone, apart from my ex boyfriend, what had happened in my past and what was still happening. Everyone was beyond supportive. I remember that on my first round of hugs I was crying in complete terror of touching other people, especially boys, but by the last round of hugs I was crying in happiness.

I have now learnt how to deal with things in a much more positive way. I am beyond grateful for everything that the program has done for me and I am lucky enough to help others in this same way as a leader. I now have big goals for my future. I was recently recognised as Dux of my school and I am moving to Brisbane next year to complete a degree in Commerce, majoring in Accounting and Finance. Now I know I can get through anything that life throws at me, and I know that I can do whatever I put my mind and heart to.

Samantha, 17 (QLD)